30. September 2009 by admin.

Holidays are the time of the year when I long to be close to family, to keep ancient rituals and eat traditional food. It gives me a sense of connection, of belonging to the culture and people I grew up with. I recently thought about my mother language which is Romanian. I have been functioning in a foreign country for 18 years now, surrounded by another language. Only very seldom I get to talk, listen or read in Romanian. I have noticed that when I listen to music or read poetry, the language evokes inside me feelings that I have not felt in a long time, powerful and raw emotions. It is not the same with English poetry or music. Is it possible that we are wired this way, that the language that we learned first is the only one capable of powerful emotions and runs deeper into our souls? Or is it just nostalgia, the fact that something is rare it becomes more precious?

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23. September 2009 by admin.

Transitions happen in nature all the time. We are now preparing for the fall. The temperatures, the scenery, our daily routines and activities change.  Some people feel a surge of energy when fall approaches - temperatures are more comfortable, school starts, new projects, etc. For others fall is just the messenger of winter - a time to be more withdrawn and meditative. Whatever the case, the equinox (when the day is equal to the night) is a reminder for keeping grounded and balanced through transitions. Consider a couple of questions as you prepare for the next season: What are you harvesting this fall? What do you need to let go of to be in balance in your life? What do you need more of to be in balance?

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18. September 2009 by admin.

Did you ever worry in anticipation of an event, only to realize later on that you had nothing to worry about, that everything went smooth? It happened to me.  I was quite aprehensive about my out of town in-laws coming to visit for a few days.  It is a rare event and I found out only a day in advance. My first thoughts were: “Will I be up to snuff? Will I meet their expectations? Will I entertain the right way? What if I feel tired? Where are the extra pillows?”.  I noticed the more I thought like that, the more tight my muscles became and my breath more shallow. I took a deep breath and I stopped. I decided to get a different perspective. How about just be myself and cut myself some slack. How about I do my best and be ok with things not being perfect. I started to relax and kept my intention throughout the visit to focus on enjoying and relaxing together, rather then keeping up appearances and being anxious about being perfect. It turned out we all had a good time.

Posted in joyful living, Family Life, Handle overwhelm | No Comments »

4. September 2009 by admin.

Did you ever react to a situation the same old way? Did you fall into old behaviors, without understanding why? For example, did you reach for the fridge/pantry to get that extra snack when you were not hungry? Did you light up a cigarette? Did you feel stressed out and overreact to your spouse, your child or a fellow driver? Many times, without realizing it perhaps, we try to numb our feelings with self-destructive behaviors (over-eating, smoking) or we lash out at others without much thought. When this happens, there is a reaction to the situation. The reaction comes from somewhere in the past and it is powerless. It is resistance without much thought.

First step to change your reaction is to stop, take a deep breath and become aware of your feelings. Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? Angry, restless, resentful, impatient?  Am I frustrated or annoyed about something? Am I bored? Be kind to yourself. Those are normal human feelings that we all experience from time to time.

With a compassionate state of mind, the next step is to follow the inquiry and find out what thought/judgment is triggering those feelings.

Let us say you are feeling uneasy when the people around you are not paying attention to you at that particular moment. Maybe they are making a phone call, working, watching TV or cooking. It is possible you did not received the appropriate attention as a child and now you feel ignored, rejected or abandoned when you don’t receive attention a hundred percent of the time. You get upset and angry with your spouse without realizing it.

Maybe you get mad at your kids that they do not listen to you. Maybe you feel threatened by the loss of control; you feel they do not measure up to your expectations or you do not measure up to your idea of parenthood.

Do you get mad that someone cut you in traffic and you take it personally? Maybe you think – he has no respect for me, I will teach him a lesson.

Your interpretation of the events creates the uneasiness. Over time, you will learn what are the triggers – what brings you to that state of reaction? Once you identify the triggers, the judgments and the feeling, you can look for ways to respond.

What could be a more useful interpretation? What can you do about it? Choose any number of responsible actions – then the action is a response. For example, the spouse is just busy, he/she is not ignoring you. You can use this time to take better care of yourself, nurture your soul - do some yoga or dance; read a book; call a friend and arrange a meeting for a future time. 

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4. September 2009 by admin.

I recently ran across a story about some frogs that were making noise all night long but one day decided to stop singing and be quiet at night not to disturb the people living in the house nearby.  One of the frogs rejected the idea in the beginning: “why should we be quiet when they chatter non stop during the day.”  Nevertheless they stopped.  After three days the woman living in the nearby house complained to her husband:” I had insomnia for the last three nights.  I cannot sleep without hearing the noise of the frogs in the background.”  Only then, the frogs realized they can keep on singing for those who constantly need to fill their life with noise.

Are you trying to fill your life with noise?  Are you trying to keep busy and occupied all the time, to take advantage of all opportunities and options in this world?  Do you always look at what is next, what else to do, what else to accomplish, what else is missing from your life?  Do you feel stressed or overwhelmed?  Are you running away from what is important by keeping busy ?

Consider for a moment the idea that you are complete just the way you are.  You just need to focus on the present moment, and attend to whatever shows up in your life at this time.  Are you comparing to others?  What they have, what they do?  Can you imagine what do you need to be content, without comparing to others?  What is enough for you?  Most often, we want to be happy and we look for material things or activities to make us happy.  Buy more stuff, take more classes, get new skills, see more places, get another job, and compete with mother Theresa.  Even after doing all this, we still feel unfulfilled.  It is important to recognize the feeling you are after – is it joy, love, connection, calm, freedom?  

Instead of adding things, try removing things.  Clean up all the unnecessary items in your life.  Clean up your house, your office, and your car of all items you do not use anymore or that do not give you any satisfaction.  Clean your to do list.  Decide what stays and what could be postponed.  Clean up your life of toxic people, thoughts, and circumstances.  Notice what you have been tolerating so far and deal with it.  Let go of grudges that you hold on to.  You will make space for what really matters to enter into your life.

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