18. September 2009 by admin.

Did you ever worry in anticipation of an event, only to realize later on that you had nothing to worry about, that everything went smooth? It happened to me.  I was quite aprehensive about my out of town in-laws coming to visit for a few days.  It is a rare event and I found out only a day in advance. My first thoughts were: “Will I be up to snuff? Will I meet their expectations? Will I entertain the right way? What if I feel tired? Where are the extra pillows?”.  I noticed the more I thought like that, the more tight my muscles became and my breath more shallow. I took a deep breath and I stopped. I decided to get a different perspective. How about just be myself and cut myself some slack. How about I do my best and be ok with things not being perfect. I started to relax and kept my intention throughout the visit to focus on enjoying and relaxing together, rather then keeping up appearances and being anxious about being perfect. It turned out we all had a good time.

Posted in joyful living, Family Life, Handle overwhelm | No Comments »

4. September 2009 by admin.

Did you ever react to a situation the same old way? Did you fall into old behaviors, without understanding why? For example, did you reach for the fridge/pantry to get that extra snack when you were not hungry? Did you light up a cigarette? Did you feel stressed out and overreact to your spouse, your child or a fellow driver? Many times, without realizing it perhaps, we try to numb our feelings with self-destructive behaviors (over-eating, smoking) or we lash out at others without much thought. When this happens, there is a reaction to the situation. The reaction comes from somewhere in the past and it is powerless. It is resistance without much thought.

First step to change your reaction is to stop, take a deep breath and become aware of your feelings. Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? Angry, restless, resentful, impatient?  Am I frustrated or annoyed about something? Am I bored? Be kind to yourself. Those are normal human feelings that we all experience from time to time.

With a compassionate state of mind, the next step is to follow the inquiry and find out what thought/judgment is triggering those feelings.

Let us say you are feeling uneasy when the people around you are not paying attention to you at that particular moment. Maybe they are making a phone call, working, watching TV or cooking. It is possible you did not received the appropriate attention as a child and now you feel ignored, rejected or abandoned when you don’t receive attention a hundred percent of the time. You get upset and angry with your spouse without realizing it.

Maybe you get mad at your kids that they do not listen to you. Maybe you feel threatened by the loss of control; you feel they do not measure up to your expectations or you do not measure up to your idea of parenthood.

Do you get mad that someone cut you in traffic and you take it personally? Maybe you think – he has no respect for me, I will teach him a lesson.

Your interpretation of the events creates the uneasiness. Over time, you will learn what are the triggers – what brings you to that state of reaction? Once you identify the triggers, the judgments and the feeling, you can look for ways to respond.

What could be a more useful interpretation? What can you do about it? Choose any number of responsible actions – then the action is a response. For example, the spouse is just busy, he/she is not ignoring you. You can use this time to take better care of yourself, nurture your soul - do some yoga or dance; read a book; call a friend and arrange a meeting for a future time. 

Posted in Transitions, Handle overwhelm | No Comments »

4. September 2009 by admin.

I recently ran across a story about some frogs that were making noise all night long but one day decided to stop singing and be quiet at night not to disturb the people living in the house nearby.  One of the frogs rejected the idea in the beginning: “why should we be quiet when they chatter non stop during the day.”  Nevertheless they stopped.  After three days the woman living in the nearby house complained to her husband:” I had insomnia for the last three nights.  I cannot sleep without hearing the noise of the frogs in the background.”  Only then, the frogs realized they can keep on singing for those who constantly need to fill their life with noise.

Are you trying to fill your life with noise?  Are you trying to keep busy and occupied all the time, to take advantage of all opportunities and options in this world?  Do you always look at what is next, what else to do, what else to accomplish, what else is missing from your life?  Do you feel stressed or overwhelmed?  Are you running away from what is important by keeping busy ?

Consider for a moment the idea that you are complete just the way you are.  You just need to focus on the present moment, and attend to whatever shows up in your life at this time.  Are you comparing to others?  What they have, what they do?  Can you imagine what do you need to be content, without comparing to others?  What is enough for you?  Most often, we want to be happy and we look for material things or activities to make us happy.  Buy more stuff, take more classes, get new skills, see more places, get another job, and compete with mother Theresa.  Even after doing all this, we still feel unfulfilled.  It is important to recognize the feeling you are after – is it joy, love, connection, calm, freedom?  

Instead of adding things, try removing things.  Clean up all the unnecessary items in your life.  Clean up your house, your office, and your car of all items you do not use anymore or that do not give you any satisfaction.  Clean your to do list.  Decide what stays and what could be postponed.  Clean up your life of toxic people, thoughts, and circumstances.  Notice what you have been tolerating so far and deal with it.  Let go of grudges that you hold on to.  You will make space for what really matters to enter into your life.

Posted in Handle overwhelm | No Comments »

28. December 2007 by admin.

Doing characterizes most of our life. Do more to have more to be more happy. Is it true though? Is doing more bringing us more bliss and satisfaction? We think that we have no other choice living in this society, but to keep up with the fast pace, the competition, the increased productivity. You stretch yourself and push yourself hard to achieve!Well, I discovered that what brings me more satisfaction and happiness is being, rather then doing. Being in the moment, savoring the experience, savoring the many ways life chooses to express itself. Being in the moment makes me happy with less, and the need for doing and achieving and accomplishments diminishes.Of course, this doesn’t mean being a couch potato. It means following your bliss, living out your passions on a daily basis. This is what fuels us. Do something because you get pleasure and meaning from it, not because you need to make more money and buy more things (unless this is your passion). We are spiritual beings, we were given gifts and talents and feelings to use them and express them into the world. If we bring our unique contribution to the world, we will in turn have all we need.When you feel the pulse of your life, and try to live in accordance with that, you will start being in the flow. Everything will become effortless. When you want something to realize in your life, think: Is it another way to obtain this, that will require less effort and bring me more of what I want?

Posted in Transitions, Handle overwhelm | No Comments »

8. November 2007 by admin.

For the last few days I found myself feeling frustrated. At first, I was puzzled. I am working on things that are aligned with my values and that I want to develop in my life. When I looked to see where is the unsettled feeling coming from, I realized that I tried to do too much too soon. I skipped steps. I tried to do something that I was not ready for. For example, I want to write a speech from the 1st try and I get frustrated when I have to re-work it. This is a skill I am trying to learn - how to write effective speeches, that make sense and also have a powerful message. I need to allow the time for it.We all heard it, enjoy the journey, not only the destination. In this case, frustration reminded me to stay in the moment and ask myself : Is it any steps that I am skipping here? Can I break this task down into smaller, easier steps, that I can successfully do right now? Are there any new skills that I need to learn before tackling this?

Posted in Handle overwhelm, Career Change | No Comments »

2. November 2007 by admin.

Holidays approach fast and things pile up on your calendar. So far, you managed to keep everything organized. You had a nice working schedule, fitting in all the required tasks for keeping a family, a home and a business/job running. Our 24 hour container if filled to the brim.

What happens when an unexpected event comes up? For example, extra preparation for the holidays, visits, interruptions, vacations, new commitments for volunteering, new projects or classes? We feel the adrenaline kicking in, the knot in the stomach. We become automatic pilots rushing from one thing to another, from one activity to another, getting everything on the list done. A longer period of this and we start feeling deprived, short-tempered and unsatisfied with life.

This is the time to stop and think Ask yourself the question: Where am I rushing to? Is this what I want to develop and encourage in my life? What is important today?

By allowing yourself the time to breathe and reflect on your life, you give yourself the gift of clarity and creativity. What you try to achieve in life and how your daily life supports that, becomes clear and solutions pop up. By allowing yourself to slow down and cut off the list the unimportant things, you make space for yourself, for following your passions and your interests, for relaxing, for enjoying life. What is the point of a busy life, if we don’t stop to appreciate it?

Many of us may think this is selfish. How can I take time for myself to follow my interests and the things that make me happy? So many people and projects depend on me. Exactly! What happens if you get sick and burdened and unhappy? Can you still provide them with the best that you can be?

On the other hand, what happens if you feel good about yourself, rejuvenated, happy, fueled by the activities you do and people you meet? This energy will reflect to the people around you as well. They will greatly benefit from this. You will be more productive and more enthusiastic.

How do we find time for ourselves? First prioritize your to do lists and see what you can postpone or remove from your list. To do this, evaluate your commitments, your values and your energy levels. Is a particular activity draining your energy or replenishing it? Also, can you find two uses for one thing? Second, plan for the “you” activity you want to add, write it down and stick to the plan.

So, this holiday season, gift yourself first. Think about what you need to be happier and more relaxed. Weather is a massage, a exercise class, re-evaluating your priorities, learn a new skill, pick that thing you always wanted to do but never had time for. Make yourself happy. Sometimes by doing less we achieve more, if the things we do are aligned with our passions and interests.

Posted in Handle overwhelm | No Comments »